Appointment

Ugh. I'm going back. I lied. Frig.
I got there half an hour late due to traffic and rain and idiotic drivers and only got to talk to the guy for half an hour.. turns out he's an LCSW.. I thought I was seeing a psychiatrist.. going to talk about the meds and be on my way. This guy wants me to read some book, come back in a few weeks and deal with my issues.
I'll go.. I don't know for how long, but i'll go. Frig.
He made some pretty good points. He also likes to close his eyes when he is searching for a word in his mind. He's an odd bird. My favorite part is the security guard they have at the door - this little,old, Asian lady.. like really, is she going to stop a looney?? I think not.

Meds Update - Skipping Ahead

So its been well over a week now since i've been on this stuff. I can say I notice a change. I can also say I really don't care to be on it for much longer. I don't need it. I can also add to it that I think the PCP who prescribed it to me was full of shit. First off, I highly doubt I was having an anxiety attack as she said. I know anxiety attacks. I didn't have one. She says I'd be suprised how many of her patients come in saying they don't know why they are freaking out b/c just moments ago they were calm. My first week was horrible. My second week wasn't as horrible but still not great. Not only that, I realized that the woman had given me far too much for my own good. She had me on 40mgs a day. WTF. I guess I should blame myself for not looking at the bottle. I just robotically took it. Not until the 2nd week of jaw clenching, throat lumping, full body jitters and anxiety (now i really had it!) did I start researching more and realized she should have probably started me on 10 or 20mgs. I took myself down to 20mgs. Made such a HUGE difference. I'm fairly good to go now and those around me notice i'm not so quick to anger or jump at something.. Wee. I'd like to say its not my fault I am quick to jump at things.. its just that they are morons and CAUSE me to be angry. Yes. :-D

Anyways, plan is.. tomorrow I go see this shrink. Not for therapy purposes. I have no plans on going back. I have no plans on discussing my "issues" as I find I can deal with them on my own. I'm strong. Moreso, I plan on making sure it goes on record that the PCP gave me 40mgs to start with, that it whacked me out to no ends, and that I'd like to get off this stuff soon. In my mind I should be able to stop cold turkey. But i'm no doctor and seeing how two teeny pills made me a whack job for the last two weeks I'm not going to play pharmacist and do it myself. I'll have him "advise" me on what I probably already know.. document it.. and be on my merry way. I think i'm going to stick to hollistic options from here on out. I also have no problems shooting evil glares at those who cross my path. The fire in my blood lets me know i'm alive.

Muggy

In happy Halloween news, this is my newest office coffee mug. I am pleased.

Friday and Things

Hello Friday. Finally.

I'm not sure why I really bother to say Finally, because its always just another day.

I suppose the pros of it being Friday, is that tonight there is possibility of stopping by Spirit Halloween. Tomorrow there's a moon festival to attend, dragon, firecrackers, and yummy moon cakes and other delicious treats to nom nom. Ok, so YAY for Friday.

Boos are that I lost my voice somewhere in the middle of the night. Well, its raspy. I can Rar and sound funny trying to sound secsy. Its good for entertainment. So maybe a Yay? No sore throat though, no aches, no pains, no runny nose = good. Woke up to that and a huge lump on my forehead - like half my forehead was raised. Total neanderthal look. Add the raspy Rar and i'm golden. Hive I guess? No itching though. But my hands have lumps and itches and the back of my knees too. I took an Allegra pill and it zapped it right away. Like magic!! Now I'm not itching at all, no redness, but still have lumps. Thankfully the neanderthal one has flattened out. I had one at the tip of my lip too I think?? Looked more or less like I just got botox. It worked. Rar.rrr... Never had a hive "work".

Didn't take the Xanax today. Drank coffee this morning as usual, it jacked me up more than usual and i've been clenching my teeth all day long. I don't think its due to the lack of Xanax. I'm just saying that its happening and its not right and I don't know that the Prozac would do something like that..and even if, not just yet. Its only been a few days. I have an appt on the 15th with the doctor. Gonna see whats what and make some changes. This isn't working out I don't think. Bonus, i'm having weird dreams.

Update - I am allergic to Aspirin. Thank you for the itching Aspirin. I love you too.

Really?

Really? Did this just really happen? I opened my desk drawer to find that the pepper shaker had a party while I was away. Guess its time to clean my desk.

Pill Day Two

Good Morning Prozac, how are you today?

Good Morning Looney, I enjoyed fucking up your stomach last night.

Thanks Prozac, I knew I could count on you to make me feel better, grumble. You have Tums?

Hell no. Thats not my job. But take a Xanax and you'll forget all about it.

LIES! I took my stupid little white pill.. I did not feel better. It didn't kick in until well AFTER the presentation I had to do today in front of 11 new employees. I really don't know what I said to them. In fact I think I didn't say much of anything. I blanked out, my ears shot on fire and thankfully I had another co-worker there to step in for me. She was awesome and totally took over. I likely looked like a moron I'm sure. I really don't care anymore (oooh, did you just help me Xanax?). My hands itch. My stomach still hurts, and I realized that even though this Xanax just kicked in, i'm not feeling it like yesterday. Yesterday I was a real zombie. Ok so maybe thats good that i'm not walking around gurgling my words today. Hmm. Prozac will take some time... will continue to log it.

I remember the last time I was on them, I went from down down down to up up up and then it evened out and bleh, I was managing but eventually I thought whats the point. We'll see what happens this time. I suppose I should call and make an appt with the shrink too. I really don't feel like telling my entire life story from scratch. Again.

The morning was its regular mess - prior to walking out the door. There was a battle about which shirt to wear. More like he just couldn't make up his mind. Blue shirt, brown shirt, no blue shirt, no brown shirt. Temper tantrum. Then it was Look at my shoes, no don't look at my shoes, followed by WHY didn't you look at my shoooooes!! Waaaaaah!!!! Then there was another issue with yet another car. Thankfully the drop off at school went well. Phew.

Last night was a long night though. Thinking the antibiotics kicked his stomach badly. So there we were.. 3am, both holding our stomachs crying. And now I think I have his cold. Its all so minor, but I wanted to cry by the time the shoe drama occured.