Damn you Haloscan

So Haloscan is shutting down and currently they are offering me two choices for my comment section. Sign up with Echo and pay...and then my comments will just go over to them and I can continue on my merry way OR, I export them..but there is no way to import them to any of the other services as of yet. I think I'll pass on paying. Its only $12 a year but that's like.. lunch. I'm not being cheap. I just want lunch. Who needs a comment when I can have something to eat. Burp*

No Swine For Me

I went for a follow up appointment today - doc says she now believes I had bronchitis instead.
Eat that swine flu.
She says the coughing will likely hang around for a good two months more or so and gave me a prescription of Tessalon and sent me on my way. She did say I look much, much better. I also apparently lost 4 pounds since Wednesdays appointment and somehow my height is shorter than any other time.. I dunno what thats all about.
Khai went for his appointment this morning too - doc says he's fine and gave him three stickers to prove it. So it looks like the household is good to go. Ready for the next virus, bacteria, whatever that tries to attack. Meanwhile, loading up on Vitamin C and bundling up. Its raining. I hate rain.

Esteem Up Your Bum

This is great. From the finger, to the Esteem label. ....
This is what was hanging on the wall at the doctors office - and even better, there is a choice from three different ones (not shown). I think the picture of the finger is the most non-comforting thing. I wonder who modeled for the image. And then, do they go around telling people that they did this? I wonder what it pays.

Go Away Sick

Being sick sucks. Being sick and having a sick kid and having to take care of your sick kid while sick, sucks. Monday I coughed. All day. Tuesday I woke up and felt like straight ass. Thankfully, Khai's fever from Monday was down and his spirits were up and he was a very helpful little boy. Caring, considerate. I spent the day dying.
Wednesday morning I decided I better call the doctor because it was apparent this wasn't going away, plus I have a child to think about. Motivation. The doctor said she thinks I MAY have had the swine flu. MAY. She can't be 100% sure, said that we are at the cusp of the season, where the regular flu season is starting and had I come in earlier in the month, she would have definitely said Swine. However, regardless of swine flu or just flu, she says, I am young, healthy and strong, and have fought it off (which I fail to understand how it is possible in just 2 days, but i'm no doctor)... now I just have an upper respiratory infection and since I didn't come in yesterday, I have passed the 48 hour window where Tamiflu would have worked... and so now she's prescribed me some other antibiotic to take for the next 5 days. On top of that, I'm to take Mucinex, Sudafed Sinus, and a number of other stuff. I feel like an old woman with the number of pills I had to swallow today. So over the course of the next 5 days, I faithfully take my horrible antibiotic, which twists my stomach and makes me dizzy and by the 2nd day I'm feeling much better. My only issue in the end is coughing. I still cough. Alot. Its one thing to cough here and there. I have accepted that likely I'll have this cough for some time. However what I cannot deal with is the coughing fits... i.e. some 30 mins of straight coughing to the point of tears and gagging. Water doesn't help, honey doesn't help, lozenges don't help, cough syrup on top of the Mucinex with cough suppressant doesn't help. I finally emailed my doctor and am patiently waiting for a response while I cough to death...
Tomorrow I am due back to work after being out all week. I'm going to be the cougher. That person in the office that everyone is annoyed at, who they wonder why the hell came to work when they are sick and don't be coughing all over me with your sick coughy germs.
Bah.
Karma is a bitch.. I shouldn't have talked shit about the other coughers...

Candy Thief!

Someone stole candy off my desk at work. This container was half full yesterday. I just opened it now and this is all thats left. Wow. Thief. How dare.

Appointment Time Again

I feel so weird when I'm sitting in the waiting room at the mental health clinic... surrounded by people who all have issues of some sort. Trying to figure out what everyones problem is. One guy is in the corner obviously extremely nervous, shaking and darting his eyes all over the place. This one kid is with his mom, no doubt doesn't want to be there but is being forced to come for therapy. There's a handful of elderly folks there for a group session. I wonder about what.
Plenty of other people all seemingly anxious. Its all enough to make a person feel crazy and anxious just sitting there. I keep looking at the clock hoping my therapist will hurry up and come get me. Session went well. Nothing I don't already know.. talk about this talk about that.. solutions and things I should do to reach a better point, bla bla bla. But I guess its good to talk to someone outside of my world. I brought up the meds. I'm still breaking out in hives 2 - 3 times a week. I'm grinding my teeth at night. I walk around with this "i don't care" feeling most of the time and then when I get upset I really rage it out. He says its because i'm now storing my feelings.. then I burst. Whatever the case.. its uncool. He says the waitlist to see a psychiatrist to discuss the meds is very long, and to just go see my PCP. Hello, the PCP is the woman who gave me 40mgs instead of 20. Sigh.
Do I feel better? I dunno. Maybe? Maybe its just a slower patch of time.
I either think alot these days or sit for hours not thinking at all. I guess that better than thinking all day every day to the depths of tears.

One Finger Hold

I love how my cube neighbor can fall asleep sitting straight up. I love how she is wearing her Christmas shirt the first Monday after Halloween. I love that somehow she has mardi gras beads. Really?? I love how she has her right hand gently placed on the desk and her first finger holding herself up...as she nods away.
I love how I take pictures of it all and post them on the internet.

Appointment

Ugh. I'm going back. I lied. Frig.
I got there half an hour late due to traffic and rain and idiotic drivers and only got to talk to the guy for half an hour.. turns out he's an LCSW.. I thought I was seeing a psychiatrist.. going to talk about the meds and be on my way. This guy wants me to read some book, come back in a few weeks and deal with my issues.
I'll go.. I don't know for how long, but i'll go. Frig.
He made some pretty good points. He also likes to close his eyes when he is searching for a word in his mind. He's an odd bird. My favorite part is the security guard they have at the door - this little,old, Asian lady.. like really, is she going to stop a looney?? I think not.

Meds Update - Skipping Ahead

So its been well over a week now since i've been on this stuff. I can say I notice a change. I can also say I really don't care to be on it for much longer. I don't need it. I can also add to it that I think the PCP who prescribed it to me was full of shit. First off, I highly doubt I was having an anxiety attack as she said. I know anxiety attacks. I didn't have one. She says I'd be suprised how many of her patients come in saying they don't know why they are freaking out b/c just moments ago they were calm. My first week was horrible. My second week wasn't as horrible but still not great. Not only that, I realized that the woman had given me far too much for my own good. She had me on 40mgs a day. WTF. I guess I should blame myself for not looking at the bottle. I just robotically took it. Not until the 2nd week of jaw clenching, throat lumping, full body jitters and anxiety (now i really had it!) did I start researching more and realized she should have probably started me on 10 or 20mgs. I took myself down to 20mgs. Made such a HUGE difference. I'm fairly good to go now and those around me notice i'm not so quick to anger or jump at something.. Wee. I'd like to say its not my fault I am quick to jump at things.. its just that they are morons and CAUSE me to be angry. Yes. :-D

Anyways, plan is.. tomorrow I go see this shrink. Not for therapy purposes. I have no plans on going back. I have no plans on discussing my "issues" as I find I can deal with them on my own. I'm strong. Moreso, I plan on making sure it goes on record that the PCP gave me 40mgs to start with, that it whacked me out to no ends, and that I'd like to get off this stuff soon. In my mind I should be able to stop cold turkey. But i'm no doctor and seeing how two teeny pills made me a whack job for the last two weeks I'm not going to play pharmacist and do it myself. I'll have him "advise" me on what I probably already know.. document it.. and be on my merry way. I think i'm going to stick to hollistic options from here on out. I also have no problems shooting evil glares at those who cross my path. The fire in my blood lets me know i'm alive.

Muggy

In happy Halloween news, this is my newest office coffee mug. I am pleased.