No Swine For Me

I went for a follow up appointment today - doc says she now believes I had bronchitis instead.
Eat that swine flu.
She says the coughing will likely hang around for a good two months more or so and gave me a prescription of Tessalon and sent me on my way. She did say I look much, much better. I also apparently lost 4 pounds since Wednesdays appointment and somehow my height is shorter than any other time.. I dunno what thats all about.
Khai went for his appointment this morning too - doc says he's fine and gave him three stickers to prove it. So it looks like the household is good to go. Ready for the next virus, bacteria, whatever that tries to attack. Meanwhile, loading up on Vitamin C and bundling up. Its raining. I hate rain.

Esteem Up Your Bum

This is great. From the finger, to the Esteem label. ....
This is what was hanging on the wall at the doctors office - and even better, there is a choice from three different ones (not shown). I think the picture of the finger is the most non-comforting thing. I wonder who modeled for the image. And then, do they go around telling people that they did this? I wonder what it pays.

Go Away Sick

Being sick sucks. Being sick and having a sick kid and having to take care of your sick kid while sick, sucks. Monday I coughed. All day. Tuesday I woke up and felt like straight ass. Thankfully, Khai's fever from Monday was down and his spirits were up and he was a very helpful little boy. Caring, considerate. I spent the day dying.
Wednesday morning I decided I better call the doctor because it was apparent this wasn't going away, plus I have a child to think about. Motivation. The doctor said she thinks I MAY have had the swine flu. MAY. She can't be 100% sure, said that we are at the cusp of the season, where the regular flu season is starting and had I come in earlier in the month, she would have definitely said Swine. However, regardless of swine flu or just flu, she says, I am young, healthy and strong, and have fought it off (which I fail to understand how it is possible in just 2 days, but i'm no doctor)... now I just have an upper respiratory infection and since I didn't come in yesterday, I have passed the 48 hour window where Tamiflu would have worked... and so now she's prescribed me some other antibiotic to take for the next 5 days. On top of that, I'm to take Mucinex, Sudafed Sinus, and a number of other stuff. I feel like an old woman with the number of pills I had to swallow today. So over the course of the next 5 days, I faithfully take my horrible antibiotic, which twists my stomach and makes me dizzy and by the 2nd day I'm feeling much better. My only issue in the end is coughing. I still cough. Alot. Its one thing to cough here and there. I have accepted that likely I'll have this cough for some time. However what I cannot deal with is the coughing fits... i.e. some 30 mins of straight coughing to the point of tears and gagging. Water doesn't help, honey doesn't help, lozenges don't help, cough syrup on top of the Mucinex with cough suppressant doesn't help. I finally emailed my doctor and am patiently waiting for a response while I cough to death...
Tomorrow I am due back to work after being out all week. I'm going to be the cougher. That person in the office that everyone is annoyed at, who they wonder why the hell came to work when they are sick and don't be coughing all over me with your sick coughy germs.
Bah.
Karma is a bitch.. I shouldn't have talked shit about the other coughers...

Candy Thief!

Someone stole candy off my desk at work. This container was half full yesterday. I just opened it now and this is all thats left. Wow. Thief. How dare.

Appointment Time Again

I feel so weird when I'm sitting in the waiting room at the mental health clinic... surrounded by people who all have issues of some sort. Trying to figure out what everyones problem is. One guy is in the corner obviously extremely nervous, shaking and darting his eyes all over the place. This one kid is with his mom, no doubt doesn't want to be there but is being forced to come for therapy. There's a handful of elderly folks there for a group session. I wonder about what.
Plenty of other people all seemingly anxious. Its all enough to make a person feel crazy and anxious just sitting there. I keep looking at the clock hoping my therapist will hurry up and come get me. Session went well. Nothing I don't already know.. talk about this talk about that.. solutions and things I should do to reach a better point, bla bla bla. But I guess its good to talk to someone outside of my world. I brought up the meds. I'm still breaking out in hives 2 - 3 times a week. I'm grinding my teeth at night. I walk around with this "i don't care" feeling most of the time and then when I get upset I really rage it out. He says its because i'm now storing my feelings.. then I burst. Whatever the case.. its uncool. He says the waitlist to see a psychiatrist to discuss the meds is very long, and to just go see my PCP. Hello, the PCP is the woman who gave me 40mgs instead of 20. Sigh.
Do I feel better? I dunno. Maybe? Maybe its just a slower patch of time.
I either think alot these days or sit for hours not thinking at all. I guess that better than thinking all day every day to the depths of tears.

One Finger Hold

I love how my cube neighbor can fall asleep sitting straight up. I love how she is wearing her Christmas shirt the first Monday after Halloween. I love that somehow she has mardi gras beads. Really?? I love how she has her right hand gently placed on the desk and her first finger holding herself up...as she nods away.
I love how I take pictures of it all and post them on the internet.

Appointment

Ugh. I'm going back. I lied. Frig.
I got there half an hour late due to traffic and rain and idiotic drivers and only got to talk to the guy for half an hour.. turns out he's an LCSW.. I thought I was seeing a psychiatrist.. going to talk about the meds and be on my way. This guy wants me to read some book, come back in a few weeks and deal with my issues.
I'll go.. I don't know for how long, but i'll go. Frig.
He made some pretty good points. He also likes to close his eyes when he is searching for a word in his mind. He's an odd bird. My favorite part is the security guard they have at the door - this little,old, Asian lady.. like really, is she going to stop a looney?? I think not.

Meds Update - Skipping Ahead

So its been well over a week now since i've been on this stuff. I can say I notice a change. I can also say I really don't care to be on it for much longer. I don't need it. I can also add to it that I think the PCP who prescribed it to me was full of shit. First off, I highly doubt I was having an anxiety attack as she said. I know anxiety attacks. I didn't have one. She says I'd be suprised how many of her patients come in saying they don't know why they are freaking out b/c just moments ago they were calm. My first week was horrible. My second week wasn't as horrible but still not great. Not only that, I realized that the woman had given me far too much for my own good. She had me on 40mgs a day. WTF. I guess I should blame myself for not looking at the bottle. I just robotically took it. Not until the 2nd week of jaw clenching, throat lumping, full body jitters and anxiety (now i really had it!) did I start researching more and realized she should have probably started me on 10 or 20mgs. I took myself down to 20mgs. Made such a HUGE difference. I'm fairly good to go now and those around me notice i'm not so quick to anger or jump at something.. Wee. I'd like to say its not my fault I am quick to jump at things.. its just that they are morons and CAUSE me to be angry. Yes. :-D

Anyways, plan is.. tomorrow I go see this shrink. Not for therapy purposes. I have no plans on going back. I have no plans on discussing my "issues" as I find I can deal with them on my own. I'm strong. Moreso, I plan on making sure it goes on record that the PCP gave me 40mgs to start with, that it whacked me out to no ends, and that I'd like to get off this stuff soon. In my mind I should be able to stop cold turkey. But i'm no doctor and seeing how two teeny pills made me a whack job for the last two weeks I'm not going to play pharmacist and do it myself. I'll have him "advise" me on what I probably already know.. document it.. and be on my merry way. I think i'm going to stick to hollistic options from here on out. I also have no problems shooting evil glares at those who cross my path. The fire in my blood lets me know i'm alive.

Muggy

In happy Halloween news, this is my newest office coffee mug. I am pleased.

Friday and Things

Hello Friday. Finally.

I'm not sure why I really bother to say Finally, because its always just another day.

I suppose the pros of it being Friday, is that tonight there is possibility of stopping by Spirit Halloween. Tomorrow there's a moon festival to attend, dragon, firecrackers, and yummy moon cakes and other delicious treats to nom nom. Ok, so YAY for Friday.

Boos are that I lost my voice somewhere in the middle of the night. Well, its raspy. I can Rar and sound funny trying to sound secsy. Its good for entertainment. So maybe a Yay? No sore throat though, no aches, no pains, no runny nose = good. Woke up to that and a huge lump on my forehead - like half my forehead was raised. Total neanderthal look. Add the raspy Rar and i'm golden. Hive I guess? No itching though. But my hands have lumps and itches and the back of my knees too. I took an Allegra pill and it zapped it right away. Like magic!! Now I'm not itching at all, no redness, but still have lumps. Thankfully the neanderthal one has flattened out. I had one at the tip of my lip too I think?? Looked more or less like I just got botox. It worked. Rar.rrr... Never had a hive "work".

Didn't take the Xanax today. Drank coffee this morning as usual, it jacked me up more than usual and i've been clenching my teeth all day long. I don't think its due to the lack of Xanax. I'm just saying that its happening and its not right and I don't know that the Prozac would do something like that..and even if, not just yet. Its only been a few days. I have an appt on the 15th with the doctor. Gonna see whats what and make some changes. This isn't working out I don't think. Bonus, i'm having weird dreams.

Update - I am allergic to Aspirin. Thank you for the itching Aspirin. I love you too.

Really?

Really? Did this just really happen? I opened my desk drawer to find that the pepper shaker had a party while I was away. Guess its time to clean my desk.

Pill Day Two

Good Morning Prozac, how are you today?

Good Morning Looney, I enjoyed fucking up your stomach last night.

Thanks Prozac, I knew I could count on you to make me feel better, grumble. You have Tums?

Hell no. Thats not my job. But take a Xanax and you'll forget all about it.

LIES! I took my stupid little white pill.. I did not feel better. It didn't kick in until well AFTER the presentation I had to do today in front of 11 new employees. I really don't know what I said to them. In fact I think I didn't say much of anything. I blanked out, my ears shot on fire and thankfully I had another co-worker there to step in for me. She was awesome and totally took over. I likely looked like a moron I'm sure. I really don't care anymore (oooh, did you just help me Xanax?). My hands itch. My stomach still hurts, and I realized that even though this Xanax just kicked in, i'm not feeling it like yesterday. Yesterday I was a real zombie. Ok so maybe thats good that i'm not walking around gurgling my words today. Hmm. Prozac will take some time... will continue to log it.

I remember the last time I was on them, I went from down down down to up up up and then it evened out and bleh, I was managing but eventually I thought whats the point. We'll see what happens this time. I suppose I should call and make an appt with the shrink too. I really don't feel like telling my entire life story from scratch. Again.

The morning was its regular mess - prior to walking out the door. There was a battle about which shirt to wear. More like he just couldn't make up his mind. Blue shirt, brown shirt, no blue shirt, no brown shirt. Temper tantrum. Then it was Look at my shoes, no don't look at my shoes, followed by WHY didn't you look at my shoooooes!! Waaaaaah!!!! Then there was another issue with yet another car. Thankfully the drop off at school went well. Phew.

Last night was a long night though. Thinking the antibiotics kicked his stomach badly. So there we were.. 3am, both holding our stomachs crying. And now I think I have his cold. Its all so minor, but I wanted to cry by the time the shoe drama occured.

Pills and Rashes

Last week I started taking these green tea pills. It did what it said it would do, it supressed my appetite and yay, that’s a good thing because oink oink. Granted I'm at a good weight. I have no issues with my weight. I just think I could I dunno what I think. I took them. So that’s that. Two days later I had shortness of breath. It sometimes felt like when you're underwater and really need a breath and I'm constantly yawning to try and get that good breath in and finally when I get it, its like when you pop out of the water and its instant relief. But then it only lasts a second and I'm right back to the yawning. A lot of times I couldn't get a complete yawn in so I'd sit there with my mouth wide open looking like some kind of fool. And so this went on, day after day.. I thought by the end of the weekend it would be better since I had stopped taking the pills right away, but come Monday I was still having a hard time and it was making my chest pretty achey. I caved and called the doctors office on Tuesday after my hands started breaking out in a rash and various other parts of me, in addition to the difficulty breathing. I spoke to the advice nurse who said that she doesn't think its related to the pills but she wants me to come in to see the doctor. I got an appointment for Wednesday morning at 9:30am.

This morning I'm in a mad rush to get things ready. Get the boy fed so he can take his antibiotics (he has an ear infection) and get him dressed and out the door to school. It seems when I have MORE time in the mornings, it leaves more room for craziness to occur. First he tells me he doesn't need to use the potty, 2 minutes later he's peeing on himself. Next he doesn't want the blue shirt, he wants the brown shirt. Then he wants the blue shirt again and finally the brown shirt. Again. Then there's an issue with which toy he wants to bring for the car ride - I let him pick one each day. There is no point in having him pick it the night before because no doubt he'll change his mind in the morning anyways. He picks a wooden car that I painted for him the day before. It breaks before we reach the front door. He wants it fixed. Now. I told him if we glue the piece together now he cant' take it. He's angry. I tell him he can take it now, but it'll stay broken until we get back from school later. Nope, he wants it glued now and to take it. I said no. He throws himself on the floor and we both lose it. A number of other things occur as we try to make our way out the door. Its raining now and we finally make it to the school. Its 9am. I have my appt in 30 mins. I'm praying that things will go smoothly when I drop him off - nope, he starts crying because another child has pulled his water bottle out of his bag - he was simply trying to help. Khai flipped out and started bawling. I eventually make it to my appt and by this time my hands are itching like mad and red and I'm fidgeting and their computers are down and the old folks in front of me and behind are all sharing their drivers license with eachother, ooohing and aaahing at how the new ones look. I finally get to see the doctor and she tells me I have an anxiety disorder and puts me back on prozac and xanax and suggests I go back and see a shrink again. I told her I stopped doing that years ago b/c I didn't really find it helped me. She encourages me anyways. She says I have far too much going on in my life and its finally just crashed. Says that raising a toddler is tough, losing my home, financial issues, work, everything...crash crash crash. I said how is it that I went thru all that and was fine. She said I was on auto pilot. Anyways, I leave, pop my pills and am a zombie for the rest of the day courtesy of the xanax, followed by heartburn or ulcer pain or what the hell ever.. the rest of the day and night...


<---- Iggg..the rash this morning. One of many flare ups.

Igno Fucks.

The characters you see at the neighborhood Walmart are always a classic.
Of course these Igno fucks also simply annoy the shit out of me.
But when you stumble upon some gems like these folks here.... it almost makes the trip worth while.

Feast your eyes: http://peopleofwalmart.com/

Swine Love.

The last time I posted anything about the swine was in May.

Thanks to the swine, i've received several lovely mystery messages on my desk at work such as this ...

and this....

I feel the love.

Masky.

Spread the love, not the flu.
Or maybe don't even spread the love cause you may get the flu.. or some other incurable disease. Altho I've heard frisking it up while sick may actually make you feel better. Huh. I'm not sure I could get past the whole hacking up a lung part, to drop my pants. And i'd imagine with the massive headache that likely i'd have while sick, I'd feel like puking even more. But what do I know.
Here, Wendy sports the latest purchase in swine flu fashion. Thank you CVS.
Sickies, Stay Away!!
Sickos too.

Oink. Danger Zone!

I made a swine mask for Lauren. She quarantined me. Tomorrow I plan on coughing on her.

Merry Christmas??

I'm many months late on posting this but....seriously, WTF. THIS is a mug that was given to me by a co-worker. Its fucking USED!!!!
It was in an oversized gift bag, with two pouches of hot chocolate in it and the stuffing for the bag was used wrapping paper that had been ripped off another gift and shoved in the bag.
What the?! What kind of cheap ass gift is this?!!!! And then you have the nerve to face me every day? I'm somewhat questioning if this person even had a clue... thinking not. As in thinking they don't know this is NOT something you do. NOTE: It was Crotchy (see previous posts).

For Rent

Babu & Co has this great freezer box for rent for dead bodies. Cheap Cheap! Interested? Give them a call 642-88-88. Tell Babu I sent you. He's the best.

Ewww Ick.. Gross.. Barf.. Yuck.

These are the feet of my cube neighbor. How I managed to secure this pic... well, I am skilled in that way. If you will simply click on the image.. you will be rewarded with a close up shot of the toes. Do it. You know you wanna see the yellow grossness.. DO IT NOW! Do it*
Why do I do this....

I wash you cah?

Holy caw what is this? I wash cah too?

Yes, I do. Once a year!! This car hasn't been washed since before the winter.

And 2 mins later it was dirty again.

Curses you pollen!! CURSES!!!!!!

Hey babie, I got tiny dreams. You caw now.

thanks you to www.engrish.com.

For Lolen

Lolen, my goodness friend, I have many gif I offer you. You pick one two for your lovingly gif of donus. Any chosing of you like I can for you. Again, I sank my friend, your friendliness I am happy.

Refresh Drink?


Rap of Ruxery Hotew?

Dread Rocks?

Cocktail and Dreams?

MmmMMmmMMmm Donus

Elebody, today I come to office and big saplise on desk I belonging, shockolate donus!!!
I so happy I devow crickrey.
Not only shockolate, however spinkles too!
I will now show picture of my donus saplise.
Lolen, SANK YEW a lot so mush, you are lovingly half Asian friend I cherrish adore.

Bananas Are Lame

Beh. I'm over the bananas.

Boringggg.

That thrill didn't last very long.

I have 5 bananas rotting on the kitchen counter.

I've realized the protein shakes i've been drinking are making me chunky.

I hate the rain.

And i'm not looking forward to the summer when it will be hot and muggy. I likely will be in a crabby mood, so just a warning.

I hate this time of year because its like now I have to wait a whole nother year before Fall rolls around again. Fall is where its at.

Down with bananas.

I've got nothing else.

How about an easter ferret in honor of easter.

I love this one.

Oh You Canadians...

In honor of my bestest Canadian Hawk, I post for you a Meloripe Bananas box and lighter.
Apparently this company was based in Ontario.
Ew lalaa.... eat bananas and burn things. Sweet!

Although I am not sure what to make of this dish on the cover of one of their receipe books.

Is that a fish and bananas? Apparently I am not an up-to-date hostess...

Hawk, is this what you plan to serve me when I come for a visit?

Burping Bananas

Helloooo Bananas.
This morning I totally forgot about the banana. Well, I wouldn't say I FORGOT. I did remember to grab one before I left the house.. I just forgot that I had it in the bag, got to the office and went off to make my regular breakfast with Wendy. Not until I was done eating did I realize I had not eaten my banana FIRST. As if this were crisis, I quickly ate my banana hoping that the banana fad gods would not unleash some unholy banana madness upon me. Banana devoured. I am safe.
Ah crap...forgot water. I have water, but its not room temperature. Its not luke warm either. Its cold. But I like my water cold. I guess at some point today this bottle will be room temperature. I think I'll be alright. Tried a new MorningStar veggie patty today - Mushroom Lovers. I didn't think I'd like it. I like it. I've also been burping banana flavored burps all morning. I'm very lady like.

10:30am...Wendy and I took our 15 mins stair hike. Why we never think otherwise than to walk the stairs in heels is beyond me.
As we walked out towards the stairs - I said something like Lets go fall on the stairs.
Sure enough, 5 or 10 minutes into the walk, I'm walking unsteadily around each stairbend worried that I'll fall over, and Wendy slips and nearly falls face first down the stairs. We laugh and say we should bring sneakers next time. I think we said that every other time too.
10:45am...chugged some water.

Lunch - Kabob House. Mmm... I cannot get enough of the chutney. Sooooo freaking delicious. Overly stuffed I return to the office, followed by my "incident" (see post below).

3pm. Banana time followed by a 15 min walk. This afternoon's banana was pretty good. Not so raw tasting anymore, but still somewhat that it was kinda chalky feeling in my mouth. From here on, I think this bunch will be sweet and not the rawness the banana diet plan says I must eat. Banana diet fad gods don’t strike me down now...

I'm thinking dinner will be minimal, if at all - I'm still feeling bloated from lunch..then had the nerve to add that 3pm banana and not to mention all the water I've been drinking. Bedtime by midnight? We'll see.

Marilyn Moment.. not quite.

John and I decided to try the new kabob place today - good stuff. After lunch he dropped me off in front of my office building and as i'm sliding out of his car - which is no easy feat - my underwear rides right up - but no big deal, its hiding under my dress, nobody can see it, right? WRONG.
This HUGE gust of wind attacks me! My dress flies up over my head in the front. I push it down, it flies up in the back. I have no idea who saw what, aside from John. The shame.
Every time I tried to push my dress down, it flew up in another direction.... I just ran into the building, laughing and praying that nobody else saw and that nobody was walking into the building behind me....John's in the car yelling THANK YOU!!!! WOOHOOOO!
There is this print shop on the ground floor - windows that you can see out of, but not in. No doubt someone in there saw. .. . . and somehow I don't think I looked quite as sexy as Marilyn did. . .

Banana Day

Eating bananas. Eating bananas. Nom Nom Nom.
This morning's banana was yum. Sweet enough but not too sweet or mushy. Good banana. I had one on the drive into work. I can do this.
When I got to work, I ate my regular breakfast followed by my regular morning coffee.
Around noon, I had a salad. It was pretty huge as I am fairly greedy when it comes to food and yet a few hours later I was starving again despite feeling extremely stuffed after I had eaten. I didn't opt for a salad because I was thinking ew lala healthy.. I opted for it because I love Giant's salad bar and am addicted to the oh so bad for you macaroni salad. Oink.

(<--- the bunch)

At 3pm something.. I walked for 15 minutes up and down the stairs of the office building with Wendy (yes, we ARE doing this again!! I so proud), followed by my 2nd banana of the day. Banana 2 sucked. I bought a bunch at Giant when I got my salad. They weren't too raw, they weren't too ripe. This 2nd banana was so plain and tough I could barely peel it. It wasn't even THAT green! Stupid banana. Drank almost a quart of water... and while I felt extremely bloated I was still hungry. 4pm, I made a chocolate protein shake. Sooo yummy. Followed by soooo sleepy. And pukey. And headachy. Bah.
I need more substance.

The Banana diet says to eat dinner before 8pm and be in bed before midnight. Tonight I managed dinner by 7:30pm. Scarfed it down while Khai was eating some fruit for dessert. Rice and a tofu burger - with ketchup, naturally. Bed before midnight IS do-able. My face is looking haggard these days.. I need my ZZZ's.

(<-- banana 2 remains)

Japanese Banana Fad

So there's this new Japanese Banana Diet craze going about... banana sales in Japan flew thru the roof after some actress lost 26 pounds on it. Blah blah blah.
Now everyone is thinking its some miracle diet.. ohhh ahhh.
Not that I do, but I could stand to incorporate some fruit into my daily diet.. prolly would do me a world of good. My problem is that while I do like fruit.. I am far too lazy to get it, peel it, cut it up, etc. If it is done for me and placed right under my nose, I'll eat it. I am going to make it a point to eat some fruit dammit. Banana's here I come.
Tomorrow I go to the store and purchase some raw bananas per the diet plan. Let me make this clear though.. I am NOT on a diet.
I do not diet. I am simply trying to eat better.
I think I eat fairly well WHEN I eat. I just rarely have the time to eat - mainly dinner. And still while my weight on the scale is reasonable, having this baby has left me with a floppy belly. Boo hoo. And considering I'm tired all the time, I should make some changes.
SO... tomorrow begins Banana Craze. Or an attempt at least...in some shape or fashion.
I will also exercise more. This is key. I was all gung-ho in January and some of February - then I got lazy. I was doing sit ups and that plank pose every day at home - multiple times. And Wendy and I would walk the stairs at work at least twice daily. Somewhere along the way we forgot to walk them.

The rules of this banana thing are pretty simple:

1) Banana for breakfast - you can have as many as you want until you are full. Drink with room temp water. Or is it warm water? See, i already forget!
Then depending on what site i'm reading from, it says nothing more until lunch OR eat a regular breakfast roughly 15 mins after your last banana.
Well, considering i'm not dieting.. and simply trying to eat better, I will eat a banana or two and continue along with my regular morning breakfast which i've always eaten - MorningStar veggie patty w/toasted oatbread and a slice of cheese.....and ketchup. A must.

2) Lunchtime you are supposed to be able to eat anything you want.
I think what they neglect to mention is ANYTHING you want doesn't include stuffing your face with every item on the McDonalds menu and then some. Eat sensible.

3) Around 3pm or so you can have a snack - but not cookies or junk. Fruit maybe? Banana??

4) Dinnertime - should be eaten preferably before 8pm minus dessert. This is going to be tough. I get off work at 6pm, pickup Khai from school, get home and get him situated and fed and before I know it its 8pm and i'm having to get him ready for bed which takes forever. By the time thats done, and IF I don't fall asleep with him.. its at least 9 or 10pm.

5) Bedtime - by midnight. Shouldn't be too hard since i've been falling asleep with Khai almost daily for the past two weeks!

I think overall, just eating better, sleeping better and incorporating some form of exercise will do the trick. I don't expect to "lose weight". I really don't care if I do or don't. I'm not seeking to. I just feel so worn and lethargic after having Khai (2 whole years ago!!) and need to make some adjustments in my life. I'll use the banana as some form of I dunno (lack of word here) to get me going.
GO BANANAS!