Our 1st Noise Complaint

So its finally happened. The neighbors below us complained that we are too loud. Particularly in the mornings. I'm sure they mean ALL the time... but they chose the morning as their main complaint. Bleh. The people below us are really nice. We've spoken to them on several occassions.. John has helped them put up curtains, I've flooded their kitchen, they've given us coffee. Its a good, neighborly relationship. Except we are now official noisemakers. Booooo.
I feel bad. Moreso, now i'm super paranoid about every single move I make...thinking can they hear this? But at the same time, what am I supposed to do? Khai is ONE.. one year olds make noise. Kids make noise. We live in a condo. The floors are shit. The carpets are shit. The padding needs replacing. We are broke. So.
I asked John what they said exactly when he saw them. He said he was walking in the hallway and they just randomly blurted out You guys are noisy! But he said they said it nicely.
He said he was sorry and that we try to keep it down as best as possible. He said the wife told him its mainly in the mornings that she can hear everything we are doing. He tells her Khai wakes up super early.
I have the rubber alphabet mat in the living room - of course for Khai to play on - but also as a semi padding... hoping it would buffer any noise. Maybe I should get another one for the bedroom. I am also going to have to take his walker away from him in the mornings and his popcorn popper pusher thing. What the hell do you call those damn things anyways.
I'm wondering if her complaint stems from many mornings worth of noise, or this weekend when Khai dropped all the stuff into the tub, including the popcorn popper thingy.... and me roaring and carrying on with him. I don't know. Bah. To top it off, the neighbors down the hall, THEIR kids are super noisy. Running up and down the halls at all hours. And now i'm all paranoid that the neighbors below thing their noise is our noise!
I hate living here.

Flu Shot Today

Took Khai for his 2nd and final round of the flu shot today. It happened that the appt. was right at his nap time. I expected it would be a rough morning, but surprisingly it went well. He was a little tired when we got there but practically flew out of my arms when he saw the wire/bead maze table thingy in the waiting room. He played with it a while, then went from table to table touching each one...then back to the wire/bead. Then he decides he's superman and pushes the table across the room, then tips it over. Nothing was going to stop him... but then some other patients show up and it was hilarious b/c this one Asian guy comes in with his infant and Khai is standing there for like a good 5 mins just staring at the man. You could tell the guy was uncomfortable, but what was he going to do. Then this little girl comes in with her daddy and Khai is yapping away to them until the daddy talks back to Khai, at which point he becomes super shy and runs back to me.
The shot went really well, he cried b/c when I put him on the table but that was it. Got his shot and got out of there. Came home and he passed out for about 2 hours. The rest of the day was not so bad. Not as bad as last night, but still clingy and fussy and he barely ate today.
And as usual...he didn't get a damn sticker after his appt. Stupid nurse!

Mind Your Own Business!!

How could I forget to post this.

On Saturday I was at the Walmart, looking for something for Johns nieces for Christmas.. Khai was squirming in my arms so I set him down so he could happily explore. He walked over to a shelf where one of the store employees was stocking and he happened to trip over his feet and fell forward, banging his head on the floor. He instantly got a knot and bruise but overall, he was fine. He cried of course..but who wouldn't. I scooped him up, gave him lots of kisses and hugs and what happens...the fucking woman comes over to me and asks if he's ok and then has the nerve to tell me that I shouldn't let him walk around like that. That I shouldn't put him on the ground. WHAT THE FUCK! FUCK YOU! What, I should just hoist him on my shoulders and parade around the store?? He tripped over his feet. It was an accident. He's not bleeding. Go trip yourself bitch!! Don't tell me I shouldn't let him walk, dont' tell me I shouldn't put him down. Its not like I left a helpless infant laying in the aisle and walked away!!
I hate people.

Fuck You Dad

I hate my Dad. And yet why do I even bother to respond to his emails? And if he called me today (which he never will anyways) I would speak to him. WHY?? This asshole left us when I was a year old. He gave my mom $100 for child support per month. How the hell was she supposed to raise a child with $100??? She did it anyways. Years later it was bumped to a whopping $150. Wee. I still get the money. I don't know why, but he never cut the payments when I turned 18...saying he'd pay until I was done with college. But then it took me forever...like what..11 years?? to finish. Not because I was lazy.. in fact I went every single year and semester..including summers... but because I couldn't afford to go full time. I hate to work full time, so I could pay tuition.. because my jackass daddy only sent $150. OK...truthfully it took me so long b/c I had no idea what I wanted to do...so I took alot of classes...and then went to VCU where I screwed around, got bad grades, kicked out of school, came back home...but still...I went to school nonetheless and when I finally moved back to Northern VA.. I got my shit together and went for a psych degree...and got perfect grades and made the Deans list every semester..and graduated. I turned myself around. BUT, even when I was screwing around in school, I still worked. I always ALWAYS had a job, since I was 14 or so. Even while I received student loans, I still worked so I could afford things. No thanks to jackass. My mom has always been my mom and my dad. She has devoted her entire life to me, just like I am doing for Khai.

When jackass retired, he told me he was going to stop the payments because he needed the extra $150 since he'd be retired. WTF. But then, he never stopped the payments...and I didn't say a thing. I mean, why? I think he kept paying b/c he felt guilty. Guilty for being an ass and leaving us. Leaving me. Leaving every other kid he's had. Three from the first wife, then two in Vietnam right before my mom (altho we are only sure that one is his), then me, then he has three from the marriage after my mom, but they are hers, but he was there for them while they grew up...not his own blood. And now, now he's married to some younger Thai woman and built a huge house for her in Thailand, for her...her family, her kids. Asshole. And then..even though he retired, he took on contract work and is constantly travelling so he can get away from home b/c her family has pretty much moved in and he's always complaining about it.
Stupid fuck. Serves you right.
Then.. I get pregnant and I email him to tell him about it. This is part of his response (sent a MONTH later):

Haven't had a chance to answer your e-mail. Not that I'm shocked or anything - just busy as hell. By the time I get home at night after being out in this sun all day it's a bite to eat, a shower and crash until the next morning. I'm getting to old for this shit. One of these days I'm going to really retire!

WTF is this?!! Your daughter tells you she is pregnant...and you wait a whole month to respond...and blame it on being tired??

There is this guy I know (Avi), who knows one of my sisters (the one who is also mixed Vietnamese)...and he also knows asshole because he was the one who found him when she went looking for her American daddy...after she came here as a refugee...after he left her and her mother back in Vietnam after she was born. Anyways, he and I talk from time to time and he also talks to the jackass and sometimes tells me what he says in emails. So one day he forwards me this email from him:

Kim,
I asked Roger if he had given anything to you for a baby shower. This is his asshole reply.
Avi

From: Roger T. Sent: Friday, March 24, 2006 6:34 AM
To: Avi Z.

Not until October,
No I haven't given her anything yet. Maybe I can stop paying her child support now that she's 30 and pregnent

Oh but it gets better..... Avi played dumb to see what he would say:

From: Avi Z.
To: Roger Turpen Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2006 06:52:21 -0500

I had no idea you were still paying child support…

From: Roger T. Sent: Saturday, March 25, 2006 11:20 AM
To: Avi Z.

Yup, It was suspose to stop when she turned 18, but dumb shit opened his big mouth and told her as long as she was going to school I would continue it for pocket money or whatever. After 2 years she quit, but started going to night school a couple of nights a week so it continued. She finally finished up and just as I was going to tell her I was stopping the allotment she tells me she's pregnant. I'm sure she has come to rely on it and will now need it even more. Fuck me - fucked again!
It's not much there, but would certainly pay the electrict bill in Thailand and buy a bottle of scotch
Roger

Lovely. I hope he drowns in his bottle of scotch.
Then a week later, its my birthday and he sends me this:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Damn you're starting to make me feel a little old
Have a good one. I will have a birthday drink for you
DAD

Uh huh. Don't go spending all your money on me daddy.

Then I have Khai. I email him and tell him right away. For what though. I really don't know. He didn't respond for ten full days. October 23 I get an email and of course... of course....he was busy...working, tired, bla blah bleh. Whatever. I did try and include him in on things Khai was doing ... then I got to the point where I just decided why the fuck do I care so much? Why the fuck am I even bothering?? I stopped sending pictures. Then yesterday I get an email from him. Its been months. I never received that baby shower gift he claimed he would send in October. I never got a happy birthday grandson. I never got anything. Then this email comes with just ONE sentence. No hello, no how is Khai doing, no how are you doing. Nothing. Just one sentence that says:

I know being a mother is a full time job, but are there any Khai albums since April last year???

What was the need for the THREE question marks?? And if he had paid attention to ANYTHING I ever sent to him..he would have known that Khai has a blog that he could easily check in on. Where does he get off sending me this?? And why...WHY did I write back telling him (again) about Khai's blog and that he can go check it and see everything he has been up to for the past 13 months. Why didn't I just email him and tell him off like i'd like to do?
I can feel the fire burning under my skin.

Helpless

One of the worst things is the feeling of helplessness when Khai is not ok. When I don't know what is wrong with him and can't help him. Or when me holding him close is just not cutting it and no matter what I do, he still is in pain.
Today was one of those days.

At 5pm he burst out in screams. Not the regular screams you sometimes get, but the kind where you know SOMETHING is wrong. But what?? I searched his body...nothing seemed wrong. No bruises, cuts... The screams just came out of nowhere. One minute he was playing, the next he was standing there in the middle of the room crying. The only thing I could figure that maybe, just maybe it was... was his tooth coming thru. I had thought it had already pierced thru the skin but apparently not. The gum looks a little swollen...but what do I know. I have no clue what a swollen gum really looks like. I mean, I think I could know...but when it comes down to it.. I don't. And then the more I stare at it...the more confused I get. So maybe its swollen, maybe its not. He has been putting his fingers in the same spot all day. Slobbering some. He's never been a drooler like some teething babies. But he's had a little more of a leaky mouth than normal. I just don't know. We gave him some infant Motrin. I don't know if that was good to do either. Then I started to get paranoid that i'm over-medicating my child. I know realistically one dose won't harm him.... but then I worry that I gave it to him when he didn't need it. What if it wasn't his tooth. I just don't know!!! He was still so very upset, so I gave him the one and only thing I knew would soothe him. My boob. So there we were, sitting on the couch, me craddling him like when he was a baby. He was sobbing so hard, so upset... I sang the Dora theme song, then every other Dora song I know...and that seemed to work. He stopped crying to hear the songs... me and my terrible singing...but it worked. He dozed off, still sobbing under his breath until he was out. I was so uncomfortable on the couch, but I was afraid to move, afraid he would wake up. So I sat there, half leaning to the left, holding myself up as best as I could. Finally when I felt he was sleeping a little deeper, I was about to shove a pillow behind my back for support. For almost 2 hours I sat there...he was sweating so badly, my arm was drenched in sweat, I could feel it dripping down my stomach. My arm itched where his head was but I didn't want to move him. It drove me nuts...but I didn't move a muscle. Eventually I felt it was safe to turn the TV back on... and of course there was absolutely nothing on. John stopped playing video games so I asked him to watch a movie with me. We started to watch Hatchet and then Khai woke up - totally dazed and confused, crying, screaming, shaking. I ended up taking him to the bedroom and BF'ing him again until he fell asleep. He has since woken up three times, but overall seems better. I don't know. Maybe it was the tooth afterall and now the Motrin has kicked in? He is still very clingy. Even in his sleep. He holds on tight, his arms and legs drapped over me and if I move he grabs on tighter. I just hope everything is ok and tomorrow things will be normal again. Tomorrow I take him for part 2 of his flu shot. I'm sure he'll be pissed off. But then we'll come home and go right for a nap. The appt. is at 9am..the only time I could get - right when he normally has a nap. Its not going to be a fun morning. Poor Khai. I just feel so bad for him today. I want to be able to fix every bad thing that happens to him and know thats not possible...but I will damn well try!

Drinking from a Cup

My little big boy...is always wanting to drink from a big cup. He spills it everywhere but he's so into doing it. If you have a cup, he wants it. If you give him his own, he doesn't want it. He's so crazy. Here are some pictures of him on Thanksgiving day drinking out of Daddy's cup. I love how he looks "drunk" after he got his fill...and the red rings on his face make him look like The Joker.

Pet Peeve

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells you that you are being a certain way or that you did something...that you didn't!!! Like if someone insists you are mad, but you aren't, but they keep insisting..and of course then you get mad. I can't let it go. It burns me up!!! Earlier this morning I was leaning against the couch and John adjusted it so I fell back a little. No big deal. I didn't make a big deal out of it. I just looked back to see what was going on. He gets VERY dramatic...yet telling me i'm being Sooooooo dramatic... that I acted like I was falling. WTF!~!! This is news to me! I was like Uh, no.. I just looked back! He shook his head. I could see the look in his eyes and the smirk on his face that he didn't believe me. That really REALLY irritated me. So I keep saying I didn't do anything!! Of course by now i'm seeming like a mad woman, dramatic and crazy... he's steady laughing at me, which pisses me off further. Grrrrr.

Cuddly Khai

I love that Khai is now starting to cuddle with me on his own. He'll crawl up to me and lean against me and snuggle in the most loving way. I LOVE it. Or he'll come up to me and scoot himself right into my lap and watch Dora. I was just laying on the floor a moment ago and he came up and leaned against me with his apple and shared it with me while stroking my hair. Ok, so maybe it wasn't the most gentle stroke, but he was doing it in his own way nonetheless. I love these moments. They are by far one of my most favorites!!!

BM Shocker

I'm totally surprised. John talked to BM and told her we cannot afford to give her the child support this month and she understood! She said she knows its tough this time of year and that she's not going to take him to court, she's not that cruel (she said this!). John said he told her it will be for the next two months. I hope she doesn't think she's getting double pay the following months. He assured me she doesn't. I'm just really surprised she's so OK with this. Very. I'm not sure what to think. I told John maybe she's not a bitch...but just stupid.

The Tree

Finally got around to finishing the tree. Got the presents wrapped, the stockings hung and random things shoved in them. Why though, with all that under the tree, is there NOTHING for me?!!! EVERYONE has something except poor me. Boo hoo hooo.

Stupid Pippi Picture

There. Pippi. Good grief. Why this wouldn't post in the last posting I don't know... and now Khai is really WIDE AWAKE....

Pippi

I wear my hair in pig tail braids alot. Most often its because its quick and easy and I don't have to think about how my hair looks. But the one thing I cannot stand is people who say HEY PIPPI!! when they see me. Do I really look like this? I mean WTF. SHUT THE HELL UP ALREADY!! It is not cute.



* and now i'm really frustrated with blogger b/c it won't save and it won't post the images I am trying to post and its been annoying me for half an hour now and I just give up..plus Khai just woke up and its 11:30pm and he's smacking the keyboard and he won't go back to sleep...
ALL I wanted to do was post a damn picture of that stupid Pippi Longstocking...to say I DON"T LOOK LIKE THAT GIRL!!!! But apparently that is too much to ask for... ARG!!!!!!

Racial Discrimination?? WTF!

So things are starting to get tight around the office as far as internet usage and email is concerned. All because idiots abuse it to the point that we all have to pay the consequences.
First emails of mine started getting quarantined. Emails that I wrote, emails that I received. This is still happening, but i'm usually able to release them. Today though I sent an email about the AC unit in my area and immediately get an email saying I have violated some racial discrimination something or rather. WTF?!! I never said a single racial thing in the email! All I said was it was hot and when I was asked why I didn't turn the AC on, I said my neighbor is cold and so I turn the fan on instead and that I didn't want to hear her mouth. That is it. Nothing bad.. . but apparently I don't know what i'm talking about because i'm being racial according to the computer program thats in place to bust me now. Stupid computer. Stupid program. Stupid quarantine. Not to mention, now we are banned from the internet except for during our two 15 minute breaks. This is insane. I cannot function without my internet usage!!! And all this because of the losers who abuse it....streaming video all day long when they have been told numerous times not to, clogging up the system... I feel like I work in a nazi camp. Last week they asked us to email them our hours..when we come in, when we leave, when we take lunch. Next they'll want to know when I go to the bathroom. I am so annoyed. Blah!

Scared of Mommy

Last night, for the very first time EVER, Khai was scared of me! I had some dark nailpolish on my feet and he's never seen that before. He freaked out. Wouldn't come near me. Ran from me. Bawled his eyes out. It broke my heart! My baby was scared of ME!!! Thankfully, he's changed his mind...because today he's been having fun with my feet...which chase and stomp right in front of his toes and cracks him up. Weird kid.

Dancing Khai

Khai dancing and clapping to a song on Dragon Tales.

Our First Tree

We just bought and put up our very first Christmas tree ever. We barely have any decorations but figured we'd build a collection over the years.

So far, I've got one strand of garland on and then I realized we don't have enough. Now i'm thinking I want to take it down totally and just put lights up. I don't know yet. Lights AND garland? Or just lights?

Chatterbox

Khai has been a little chatterbox for quite some time now. Here is some of his latest. My camera is so crappy and it skips... blah. So until I get something better, i'll post crappy, skippy videos.

Toy Bin

Here is the $20 toy bin I got at Big Lots for Khai. Not super impressed, but it'll do for now.
Khai loves taking his blocks and balls out of the bins on the shelf and putting them into the box below. Each time yelling at it. Cracks me up..

Apple Boy

Khai Loves Apples. He ate his first real, whole apple on his 1st birthday at Grandma's house. He looked SO cute. We did the traditional ceremony where you have a tray of things and see what the baby picks - determines their future etc. Things on the tray: money, pens, toys, food... What Khai picked: ALL the food.
Since then, he gets an apple at least once a week. I would give him more if I spent more time with him during the week day. Grandma doesn't like to give him a full apple because she thinks he'll choke.

Girly Mags

Oh my goodness.. I never thought i'd see the day when I had to deal with a little boy flipping through "girlie mags". For the past few days, Carter has been shutting himself in the bathroom, checking out my Cosmo. hahahaa. I gotta laugh. Its actually pretty cute. And hilarious what he's finding interest in. Funny how he thinks he's being so secretive, yet using the hall bathroom and funny how he freaks out when he thinks he's busted. He was just in the bathroom a while ago for the longest time. John and I snuck over and looked under the door to see where his feet where b/c he claimed he was pooping. We heard the pages turning.. then he must have noticed we were sneaking .. and the door flew open. We both scattered. John asked him right away if he was looking at Cosmo and he said yes. I asked what he was looking at, was it the girls? He said Yes. I said Do you like girls? Are they pretty? Yes. John said the Cosmo goes. I told him its harmless. I dunno. I know nothing.. but at least he's not looking at Maxim or whatever else.. We flipped thru all the pages to see what he was looking at and there was absolutely nothing that I considered "bad". Maybe I shouldn't leave my magazines in the bathroom? I don't know.
The day before, he was in there with it and I knocked on the door b/c he had been in there SO long. He fumbled and said he was using mouth wash. Then I heard him open the cabinet and get it out then he flung the door open and shoved the bottle in my face...SEE?? Mouthwash.
Uh Huh. Ok.
Maybe its cute to me right now b/c its not my child? I don't know what I'll think the day I find out Khai is looking at girlie mags. I already hate his future girlfriend.....

Grumpy and Alone.

Its Saturday afternoon and Khai and I are stuck at home with nothing to do.
He woke up at 5am and that was it. He was done with sleep. I had hoped he would have fallen asleep for a good long nap, but no luck. 9 am I went to put him down for his nap. He fussed and cried and screamed and tried numerous times to dive head first off the bed. I gave up. We went to the living room where I turned on some music, turned down the lights and let him play until he got bored. By 10:30am he came to me crying. Nap time. He fought a while longer and finally FINALLY shut his eyes. Noon, he woke up. I made him some lunch which I had to beg him to eat - visual: me crawling around on my hands and knees, him chewing on a spoon and a cup of YoBaby yogurt. Finally got him to eat every last drop and now I'm working on this tapioca.. he's working on stuffing as many things as possible into his air popper.
I called John who had left earlier today with Carter, to see what they were doing. Carter was playing with his friends so I said I'd call my mom to see if she'd want to have lunch ( she and I discussed this yesterday). She wasn't home. Called John back, but by then Carter had already asked if he could have lunch with his friends. SO what does this mean for me? It means John isn't coming home. It means Khai and I are sitting here with nothing to do. It means I guess I'll just have to go out with Khai, alone, again, as usual. John said I could bring Khai to him (he's at his moms). Yeah right. Why would I drive all the way over there, drop Khai off then drive all the way back to our area - where I'd shop?? Not to mention, I have limited time if I'm away from Khai... I don't want to waste half of it driving. AND, there is no way in hell I'm leaving Khai. So, now I'm just going to sit here and sulk, feed Khai the rest of this tapioca, take a shower IF I'm lucky enough to do so, and maybe, just maybe I'll manage a trip to Walmart.. weee. I mean really, what am I supposed to do? Call up John and tell him to tell Carter he can't have lunch with his friends? I'm not that cruel. Blah.

Hey I'm a coddler!

I'm a coddler. I coddle my son. This is what i've been informed of one time too many. And at some point someone is going to get hurt if they don't shut up. If me being a loving mother is considered coddling? Then I guess I coddle. Deal. Yes, I do everything for my son. I do crawl around on my hands and knees feeding him his dinner as he laughs and runs away from me. I do have a million and one toys spread clear across the house, under anything you look, in everything you look. There are cherrios everywhere. And yes, Khai has more clothes than is necessary and dammit i'll keep on buying him more. The other day John told me that Khai has too many toys, that he gets too many things and that him not getting him anything on his 1st birthday ever, was not a big deal because of this. Yeah...NO.
Right now John is sleeping on the couch - aka, his bed. He's not thrilled about not sleeping in our bed but I think he's gotten used to it. He doesn't really bug me about it as much anymore though there are occassions. Right now, Khai is sprawled out in the bed, yes that would be our bed....the very bed that John hasn't been in for over a year now. Yes...I do co-sleep with Khai and yes, I'm still doing it and yes I plan to keep on doing it. Its where I know Khai is safe, warm, and happy. Do I care about anything else? No. If he were sleeping in his own crib right now, I know he wouldn't be happy and I know he really wouldn't sleep through the night. I know my son. And I refuse to let him lay in there and cry his little heart out to the point of throwing up. Not going to happen. I'm not going to train him on how to sleep. He's not a dog. People in many cultures sleep like this..its never been a problem. It seems more so of an issue with this society. I dunno.. maybe i don't know what i'm talking about.. but i know this is what works for us.
What works is for my son to be happy. He's not going to turn into a brat just because of the things I do for him... I was raised the same way..am I a brat? Ok..don't answer that. :-P