Fuck You Dad

I hate my Dad. And yet why do I even bother to respond to his emails? And if he called me today (which he never will anyways) I would speak to him. WHY?? This asshole left us when I was a year old. He gave my mom $100 for child support per month. How the hell was she supposed to raise a child with $100??? She did it anyways. Years later it was bumped to a whopping $150. Wee. I still get the money. I don't know why, but he never cut the payments when I turned 18...saying he'd pay until I was done with college. But then it took me forever...like what..11 years?? to finish. Not because I was lazy.. in fact I went every single year and semester..including summers... but because I couldn't afford to go full time. I hate to work full time, so I could pay tuition.. because my jackass daddy only sent $150. OK...truthfully it took me so long b/c I had no idea what I wanted to do...so I took alot of classes...and then went to VCU where I screwed around, got bad grades, kicked out of school, came back home...but still...I went to school nonetheless and when I finally moved back to Northern VA.. I got my shit together and went for a psych degree...and got perfect grades and made the Deans list every semester..and graduated. I turned myself around. BUT, even when I was screwing around in school, I still worked. I always ALWAYS had a job, since I was 14 or so. Even while I received student loans, I still worked so I could afford things. No thanks to jackass. My mom has always been my mom and my dad. She has devoted her entire life to me, just like I am doing for Khai.

When jackass retired, he told me he was going to stop the payments because he needed the extra $150 since he'd be retired. WTF. But then, he never stopped the payments...and I didn't say a thing. I mean, why? I think he kept paying b/c he felt guilty. Guilty for being an ass and leaving us. Leaving me. Leaving every other kid he's had. Three from the first wife, then two in Vietnam right before my mom (altho we are only sure that one is his), then me, then he has three from the marriage after my mom, but they are hers, but he was there for them while they grew up...not his own blood. And now, now he's married to some younger Thai woman and built a huge house for her in Thailand, for her...her family, her kids. Asshole. And then..even though he retired, he took on contract work and is constantly travelling so he can get away from home b/c her family has pretty much moved in and he's always complaining about it.
Stupid fuck. Serves you right.
Then.. I get pregnant and I email him to tell him about it. This is part of his response (sent a MONTH later):

Haven't had a chance to answer your e-mail. Not that I'm shocked or anything - just busy as hell. By the time I get home at night after being out in this sun all day it's a bite to eat, a shower and crash until the next morning. I'm getting to old for this shit. One of these days I'm going to really retire!

WTF is this?!! Your daughter tells you she is pregnant...and you wait a whole month to respond...and blame it on being tired??

There is this guy I know (Avi), who knows one of my sisters (the one who is also mixed Vietnamese)...and he also knows asshole because he was the one who found him when she went looking for her American daddy...after she came here as a refugee...after he left her and her mother back in Vietnam after she was born. Anyways, he and I talk from time to time and he also talks to the jackass and sometimes tells me what he says in emails. So one day he forwards me this email from him:

Kim,
I asked Roger if he had given anything to you for a baby shower. This is his asshole reply.
Avi

From: Roger T. Sent: Friday, March 24, 2006 6:34 AM
To: Avi Z.

Not until October,
No I haven't given her anything yet. Maybe I can stop paying her child support now that she's 30 and pregnent

Oh but it gets better..... Avi played dumb to see what he would say:

From: Avi Z.
To: Roger Turpen Date: Sat, 25 Mar 2006 06:52:21 -0500

I had no idea you were still paying child support…

From: Roger T. Sent: Saturday, March 25, 2006 11:20 AM
To: Avi Z.

Yup, It was suspose to stop when she turned 18, but dumb shit opened his big mouth and told her as long as she was going to school I would continue it for pocket money or whatever. After 2 years she quit, but started going to night school a couple of nights a week so it continued. She finally finished up and just as I was going to tell her I was stopping the allotment she tells me she's pregnant. I'm sure she has come to rely on it and will now need it even more. Fuck me - fucked again!
It's not much there, but would certainly pay the electrict bill in Thailand and buy a bottle of scotch
Roger

Lovely. I hope he drowns in his bottle of scotch.
Then a week later, its my birthday and he sends me this:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Damn you're starting to make me feel a little old
Have a good one. I will have a birthday drink for you
DAD

Uh huh. Don't go spending all your money on me daddy.

Then I have Khai. I email him and tell him right away. For what though. I really don't know. He didn't respond for ten full days. October 23 I get an email and of course... of course....he was busy...working, tired, bla blah bleh. Whatever. I did try and include him in on things Khai was doing ... then I got to the point where I just decided why the fuck do I care so much? Why the fuck am I even bothering?? I stopped sending pictures. Then yesterday I get an email from him. Its been months. I never received that baby shower gift he claimed he would send in October. I never got a happy birthday grandson. I never got anything. Then this email comes with just ONE sentence. No hello, no how is Khai doing, no how are you doing. Nothing. Just one sentence that says:

I know being a mother is a full time job, but are there any Khai albums since April last year???

What was the need for the THREE question marks?? And if he had paid attention to ANYTHING I ever sent to him..he would have known that Khai has a blog that he could easily check in on. Where does he get off sending me this?? And why...WHY did I write back telling him (again) about Khai's blog and that he can go check it and see everything he has been up to for the past 13 months. Why didn't I just email him and tell him off like i'd like to do?
I can feel the fire burning under my skin.